Food 3 - Ruffled Feathers

I intended to title this blog My Pet Peeves, but that seemed to describe a rant when I simply want to describe things that ruffle my feathers in the restaurant scene ... and I must apologize to the ornithologists hoping for the location of a new species.  But you are here now, and I seek discussion.

In my opinion, restaurants are commercial establishments and, therefore, whether fast food or multi-starred, they are obliged to conduct acceptable business practices.  That means that all customers should be quite satisfied when they leave — it is that simple.  Any restaurateur who mentions that there are some customers who can never be satisfied is, probably, someone lacking fine business skills.

Of course, there are a few people who feel that the quality of food and service in a fast food place should be equal to that of a fine dinning place which, in a sense, is correct.  But there is a culture of dining out that is often misunderstood.  For example, in a self-service fast food restaurant, when you have eaten, you are required to take your tray of empty packets and cups to the trash bin and, if you are a messy eater, the staff will eventually clean the table.  It is the height of rudeness and a display of your lack of cultural awareness to do otherwise.  While I am at this location, I must mention that when newspapers are provided to read, please return them to the rack with the pages correctly collated.  Yes, you can!

Leaving places of burgers and deep-fried chicken aside, let me venture into places of fine dining.  Of course, according to Monsieur Michelin, there are different levels of fine quality and all of them should satisfy most customers.

I shall try to recall from reviews that I have written without identifying specific restaurants, because my feathers can be ruffled in more than one restaurant.  Being retired, I am never one who enjoys lunch before noon and, therefore, always expect staff to be awake — and ready to welcome me.

In a fine dining restaurant there should always be a maitre’d or a senior server who conducts the same service.  I imply by this, someone to greet you immediately and, thus, make you feel welcome.  Having been made to feel welcome, one may be prepared to accept a short wait for a table, otherwise, one could be excused for leaving because of the assumption that there would continue to be examples of poor quality.

Surprisingly, I am not impressed when my order arrives in less time than it should take to cook, indicating previous cooking and, obviously, I am not referring to roast chicken, for example.

There has been a trend for a while for a quiet change to be observed in lunch menus.  I refer to the appetizer being served together with the entree.  Is one expected to eat the warmest item last, even if it is an appetizer?  Does it mean one less plate to wash?  Please do not do this.

At this point, I should mention that I am the last person to complain to the manager.  It is of no interest to me that the chef will cook another plate for me, or I will not be charged for the wine.  Restaurateurs, my lunch has been ruined!  I shall not return.  Referring to my second paragraph, I wonder how many restaurants would be prepared to offer a 150% credit coupon to customers who have a genuine reason to be unsatisfied?  This ought to be as common a practice as expecting a 20% tip.

Fish and Chips at Palm Resorts, Karachi
Photographer:  Umair Mohsin

Being short of space, I should like to describe my latest peeve.  Firstly, allow me to point out that my home-cooked Coq au Vin has been given much credit and I do know how to enjoy a medium-rare beef steak, but occasionally, my taste buds crave for a simple plate of fish and chips.  Most cooks will provide this dish, but I continue to seek a professional chef that creates an extraordinary multi-star version.  In other words, batter that does not represent a tortoise shell, with such thickness that the batter internally remains uncooked, there is so little fish that, due to embarrassment, two pieces are usually provided and, thus, the ratio of batter to fish is about 4:1.  Is it so un-British to suggest a course in Japanese tempura cooking?  Oh, and there is never a need for potato chips (fries) to be overcooked sticks of saturated fat.

Finally, allow me to request that menus are occasionally changed ... at least seasonally.

Bon appétite!